I hate this!!

I’ve said before writing is somewhat therapeutic. It helps me get out what’s stuck in my head, and on occasion that makes me feel better! Well, here goes!

The last week or so I feel like I have taken another few steps back. I have been stressed to the max and that really has made it worse. Thursday and Friday were bad days for sure but today has really been a trying day. I try not to use the stroke card too much but today it would have been well used. All day I have felt bad/strange/strokie.

This morning I kept having this strange feeling and hearing this strange sound in my left ear. My left side is the stroke side. This morning I kept hearing what sounded like bubbles popping in a can. The same way when you have your head near a freshly opened Pepsi you can hear the fix… well that was in my head. Eventually, it got so bad I messaged my neurologist on the app. This evening Faye, his awesome NP called and said if it got worse to go to the ER, otherwise Dr. Rayes would call me tomorrow morning.

Then things somewhat escalated after dinner. We had just gotten home and turned on the tv. All of a sudden I had this feeling wash over me, like adrenalin. The scariest part of that is I was having those feelings back in November and December, both before the hospital and after I came home. It isn’t painful, it’s terrifying. For a millisecond you feel as if you may pass out, and this warm sensation rushed down your body from your brain to your toes. It sucks.

Alarmed, I told my friend that was here, text four other friends, and posted in my VAD Facebook group. One of the friends I text was released from GHS today after having a VAD and stroke. He said he had that feeling just today, and he was being released so that gave me some peace of mind. Then in my VAD several people said it happens to them when they get anxious. That too made me feel a little better.

Ultimately I took an anxiety pill and a hot bath… now I am laying in bed writing this blog… hoping I get tired and can go to sleep….

This sucks. This all sucks. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful I survived and I know I am lucky… but this still sucks.

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One thought on “I hate this!!

  1. I did not realize you had a stroke. I would like to hear your story one day. Thanks for sharing and being so honest with your feelings. I will pray for your continued healing. Have a better Tuesday!

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